Ease the Pain
by Epona3
Summary: When Auggie returns home, he isn't worried about being strong anymore.
1. Chapter 1

_Inspired by a throw-away of WillyNilly23._

...

Auggie was familiar with the small button you could push to release more morphine. He had been offered the release many times, while laying in a hospital bed. This was the first time he gave in and pushed.

It didn't get rid of the pain, but at least it kept him from staying awake to hear Annie talking to Ryan in the hallway.

...

Joan was there. Her perfume was the first thing he noticed. She would want to talk. He pushed the button again. Their conversation was brief.

...

Auggie had been offered an Oxycodone script many times, but never filled one. When Joan came to drive him home from the hospital, the paper the doctor had handed him that morning was in his back pocket. As soon as she stopped worrying over him at his apartment, he walked to the nearest pharmacy to get it filled.

...

He had been offered time off to recover from many missions, but never accepted. This time, he informed Langley that he would be taking the all of the offered leave.

...

Auggie was sitting on the couch, listening to music at volumes a little too loud, when he remembered. The memories came with emotions. He felt his watch. Three hours and forty-six minutes was close enough to four, so he pulled the bottle from his pocket and swallowed one of the tiny pills.

The emotions receded quickly, leaving Auggie enveloped in a sense of warmth, not having to face anything for another three hours and forty-six minutes.

...

After two weeks, he had a follow-up doctor's appointment. He didn't ask for more meds, but the doctor asked if he needed them. He barely recognized himself when he answered in the affirmative. He also didn't care.

...

Annie stopped by unannounced. He couldn't remember when he last took a pill, but it couldn't hurt to take one off-schedule. That's what he told himself as he swallowed the small pill before opening the door.

...

After three weeks, Auggie knew he was going too far. He was supposed to return to work soon. He was probably only taking the painkillers out of habit. He occupied himself by going to the gym, then rewarded himself with one pill. It was only to help him get to sleep. In the morning, he convinced himself that he was still in pain. It wasn't time to give up, yet.

...

Barber noticed that Auggie wasn't himself, but who would be, after all the man had been through? Barber had taken over the Tech Ops responsibilities in his boss' absence, and never handed them all back. They worked as equals, with Barber picking up the slack for a change.

...

Joan could see Auggie through the glass walls of both of their offices. She wondered if he even noticed how frequently he was taking the medicine.

...

Annie finally talked Auggie into meeting her at a bar after work. They had both changed. There was a silence between them that had never existed before.

"I finally got to travel to Djibouti." Annie said.

"What was going on there?" Auggie asked.

Annie opened up her mouth to answer, then realized that confidentiality agreements kept her from explaining. "Company Christmas party." She lied.

Auggie nodded. "I thought it was odd that you were going to tell me."

"I want to. I miss working with you."

"I'm sure McQuaid has all the resources that you need."

"It's not the same."

"Well, everybody changes. You even said that you don't need me anymore."

Annie stared at him a moment. "You remember that?"

Auggie laughed. It wasn't the laugh she remembered. His face didn't smile like it used to. "It was our last conversation before shit hit the fan. I may have let it cross my mind a time or two."

"I regretted saying that."

"It doesn't matter."

"Of course it matters."

"Why? So we can continue to be friends? As though I don't know how every inch of your body reacts under my tongue? As if each of those locations doesn't have a corresponding sound that you make, escalating as you are more aroused? I'm done with pleasantries, Annie. You and I don't work together, we don't sleep together, and we very rarely drink together. Why does your regret over a conversation we had months ago matter?"

"Because we are friends." Annie annunciated each word.

"Could have fooled me." Auggie snipped.

"What do you want?"

Auggie turned up his glass, draining the clear liquid. "You invited me out. What do you want, Walker?"

"I wanted to offer you a job, but it's clear you aren't interested."

Without another word, Annie walked away.

...

Auggie hated that Joan kept her office in the open floor-plan, the way Calder had arranged things. Privacy now required more effort than just closing a door. The two of them ducked into the open conference room.

"Yes?" Joan asked.

"McQuaid sent Annie to offer me a job yesterday." Auggie figured he would cut to the chase.

"McQuaid sent her?" Joan asked. Something in her tone tipped Auggie off.

"You knew?"

"Arthur mentioned something about a new cyber-unit. You haven't seemed as content as you used to be. I thought maybe being back around Annie would be good for you."

"You think I should leave the CIA?"

"I'm not saying that."

"But you recommended that Arthur send Annie to try to butter me up."

"Three years ago, that would have been my approach, but not now. Evidently that's what he did, though."

…

Auggie drank a shot of tequila as he waited for the knock at his door. When it came, he didn't bother asking who was there before opening.

"Punctual and handsome." Auggie quipped.

"I was surprised to hear from you." McQuaid responded.

"That's news to me, considering what Annie told me yesterday."

McQuaid surveyed Auggie's apartment. It was clean and tidy, but he hadn't bothered replacing the furniture that had been damaged in the attack. "I have no idea what you are talking about."

"Bullshit."

"I don't have time to bullshit you."

"She said she came to offer me a job. I'm assuming that she isn't starting her own company."

"I certainly hope not. It would be a huge loss for my company if that were to happen. I wouldn't expect you to want to leave the CIA, though."

Auggie leaned against the counter and sighed. "I think I need a change in scenery."

"I could get you an office with a window, if that's what it takes. Just come by tomorrow to discuss details."

"One detail first."

"What's that?"

"I don't want to work with Annie."

"I can't promise that you won't run into each other in the hallway."

"If I wanted to avoid her completely, I'd stay at Langley. I just don't want this to be me coming in to work with her, to be a part of her team or something."

"Considering I hadn't planned to offer you a job, I definitely didn't have a team in mind. But your skillset would be put to better use, I imagine, with our more military-focused operations."

"I would like that."

"Come by in the morning, and we'll work out the details."

"Sounds good."

…

A week later, Arthur called Auggie and asked for him to come in to finish working out some details. When he came through the front door, Annie met him, instead.

"Auggie," She called.

"Annie."

She walked up and brushed his hand, he didn't react. "I have to go meet Arthur." He explained.

"I know. Arthur was called away a few minutes ago. Ryan wanted me to tell you to come to his office, instead."

"He could have called."

"He was going to. I was in his office, and offered."

Auggie nodded. "I'll get on up there, then." He turned ninety degrees and re-oriented himself.

Annie thought about offering to walk with him, but turned away.

…

"Auggie, there's a seat at your two o'clock, about ten feet in front of you." Ryan welcomed.

"Thanks."

Ryan pushed a cup of coffee against the back of his hand. "Coffee."

Auggie took the cup and sipped. It was quality brew.

"So, are we good?" Auggie asked.

"You know we had to run a standard background check and urinalysis, as we do with all employees."

"So that plastic cup wasn't the McQuaid special urinal?"

"Auggie, you came back positive for opiates."

"I have a script for Oxycodone." Auggie explained.

"The concentration was pretty high."

"So what are you trying to say?"

"Auggie, why are you even still taking the Oxy? I was shot in the chest, and I didn't take it this long."

"That's between me and my doctor."

"So if I saw the script, it would be for the levels showing up in your test?"

"Am I being interrogated?"

"No."

"I assume the job offer is rescinded."

"This isn't about the job, Auggie. I know I don't know you that well, but I know what you've been through. I've seen many men go down this path. Men that had a bright future after their military career, throw it all away while they tried to dull the pain."

"You are right, you don't know me that well."

Auggie stood up and started walking toward the door. Ryan raced to his side, and grabbed his arm. Without warning, Auggie swung at him.

Ryan caught the blow, pulled Auggie's arm around, and had him restrained in a matter of seconds. The pull caused pain to shoot through Auggie's recent wounds.

"The drugs have made you slow." Ryan commented.

Auggie didn't respond. Ryan let go, and Auggie collapsed onto the floor, holding on to his injured arm.

"Arthur was supposed to have this conversation with you, Auggie, but he got called away. Joan has been worried about your well-being. Get cleaned up and come back to talk."

Auggie went home, took more painkillers, and iced his shoulder. Realizing there were only a few left, he called his doctor and left a message requesting another script.

When his doctor suggested he downgrade to Tylenol, he had another guy to call.


	2. Chapter 2

Through Special Ops, Auggie had been trained to give himself an IV. The trick was to find your vein by feel, rather than sight.

He was in the full misery of withdrawal symptoms by the time he got the small bag of powder and pile of new, unused needles. His heart was racing and his body was covered in sweat. He would have preferred more pills, but when you are looking for home delivery of contraband, the options were limited.

All he wanted was for the pain and memories to disappear.

He quickly managed the necessary chemistry and stuck the needle into the liquid, pulling the plunger out the width of his pinky finger. There was no manual on the dosage of this stuff.

Finding the vein was no problem, and the relaxation came almost immediately. Auggie smiled and put the remaining supply in his safe. Then he booted up his computer and started coding on his next personal project.

Auggie woke up the next morning in a cold sweat. His heart was racing, even though he wasn't aware of dreaming about anything of importance. He sat on the edge of his bed and tried taking deep breaths.

His fingers dug into the mattress as he realized that his normal relaxation techniques weren't going to work.

Mind over matter.

He walked to the bathroom and splashed his face. He couldn't believe that he had injected heroin the previous day. All he had to do was get dressed and go to work, and he would keep this from being a habit. He wasn't a drug addict. Addicts were weak. He hadn't survived all that he survived to give in now.

But when he got out of the shower, he realized he didn't even want a cup of coffee. His nerves were on high alert.

The sound of a dump truck on the street caused him to duck bedside his bed, trembling. He sat on the floor a moment, trying to force away the feelings. Then he stood up and walked to his safe.

The relaxation was almost immediate.

Auggie sat with his hand on the injection site, enjoying the immediate relief. He would wait until the weekend to wean himself from the drug. For now, he needed to get to Langley.

...

Joan stepped into Auggie's office and closed the door before he recognized she was there.

"Auggie?"

"Yes, Joan."

"I'm worried about you."

"Nothing to be worried about."

"That's not really your call."

Auggie sighed and turned toward her. He spread his arms. "I'm just fine."

"What happened at McQuaid? I've been expecting your resignation."

"Do you want me to leave?"

"I only want what's best for you."

"And you think you know that better than I do?"

"I think your perspective is off at the moment."

Auggie narrowed his eyes and fought off a moment of frustration. "You can't have somebody in this position that you can't trust wholeheartedly. Consider this my two weeks notice."

"Auggie, that's not necessary."

"I think it is."

"You really want to leave the CIA?"

"This job is all about trust, Joan."

"I never said that I don't trust you, Auggie."

"Yeah. You did." He started to pull on his headphones, effectively ending the conversation.

"Auggie," Joan said, her tone was sad.

He pulled the headphones down and gave her an irritated look.

"If you are serious, then you know we don't do two weeks notice around here."

Auggie sighed, then unplugged his headphones and reached into his bottom drawer and pulled out the bottle of Patrón. He stood up and unfurled his regular cane, holding it and the tequila in the same hand. His headphones were still around his neck, the cord dangling. "Then could you do me the honor of escorting me from the building?"


	3. Chapter 3

Joan insisted on driving Auggie home.

"Why are you parking?" Auggie asked.

"I'm coming up with you."

"I don't need a baby-sitter. Thanks for the ride."

"Auggie." Joan interrupted him opening the door.

He stopped, but didn't turn toward her.

"I'm worried about you, Auggie. What you've been through - you shouldn't go through this alone."

"Thanks for your concern." He said, then opened the door and stepped out.

Joan stepped out of the car and rushed over to Auggie, who was visibly frustrated with her lingering.

"You can call me anytime." She said. "And I know how you feel about therapy, but I know a great counselor, outside of the Agency. I'm going to text you his information. Get help, Auggie."

Auggie sighed. "Thanks."

"And as long as I work there, you will always be welcome back at work."

"Thank you for everything, Joan."

Before he could react, she wrapped around him in a hug and let go. Then he could hear her heels click as she walked back to her car.

Auggie was oddly at ease with the unceremonious end to his career at the CIA. He placed his Grado headphones on the credenza and walked with his tequila to the kitchen. He poured a small amount into a glass and booted up his computer.

…

The sound of a knock on the door pulled Auggie from the mechanical voice reading back code. His fingers were slightly numb from the alcohol as he pulled the headphones off of his head.

"Who is it?"

"Eric."

Auggie pulled open the door.

"Why didn't you tell me you were leaving the CIA, man?"

"I didn't exactly plan to give my resignation today."

"What do you mean?"

"Doesn't matter. Did Joan put you in charge?"

"Yeah. It was a complete shock. I didn't even get to say good-bye. Everyone thought that you got canned, said they saw you walking out with a bottle of tequila."

Auggie motioned to the mostly empty bottle. "Do you want some?"

"I can't handle that stuff."

"There's beer in the fridge."

Eric couldn't help but notice the lack of food as he pulled out the beer. "So, what's your plan? Are you going to McQuaid?"

"Nope."

Eric stared at Auggie, waiting for him to explain. "So..."

"I'm exploring my options."

"Why couldn't you stay at the CIA while you explored?"

"I needed to be away."

Eric didn't understand, but had finally learned when not to push.

"I'm just worried about you."

Auggie rolled his eyes. "I'm fine. There are plenty of options."

"I'm not worried about your career. I'm worried about you. When did you last eat?"

Auggie shrugged.

"You can't live on tequila and coffee."

"I can try."

"Let's go get tacos."

Auggie started to protest, but Barber spoke first. "Come on, man. I'm starving, you're drunk, and there's no food here."

…

Auggie sat across from Barber in the small Mexican restaurant. There was a basket of chips, but only Barber seemed interested in eating them as he told Auggie the highlights from the menu.

"Ready to order?" The waitress asked.

"Dos Equis," Auggie said, barely looking in her direction.

Barber and the waitress stared at Auggie a moment, expecting him to continue with his order. The waitress turned toward Barber.

"I'll have a coke and enchiladas. Bring him a chicken burrito."

"Oops." Auggie said as she walked away.

"Honest mistake." Barber pushed the basket of chips against his hand. Auggie took one.

"Are you thinking of starting your own company?" Barber asked.

Auggie shrugged. "I'll probably do some freelance work."

"Oh, like, DOD type stuff?"

"Or Amazon type stuff."

"What the hell? You are far too skilled to waste your time with web optimization."

"It doesn't really matter."

"It does matter. The stuff you can do, your background, there's stuff you know that nobody else can handle."

"Maybe I can't, either." Auggie replied.

"Bull. Shit. I know you've been through Hell. I know you need a break. But if I know anything about you, it's that you are the strongest person I know, and that the painfully boring world of web optimization might make another round with Belenko look like fun."

A range of emotions crossed Auggie's face that chilled the blood in Eric's veins.

"Shit man. I don't really know. I just... You know how I sometimes say too much. I just..."

"Barber, stop."

Eric froze, his mouth still slightly open.

They sat in silence for a moment while Auggie took deep breaths. The waitress showed up with their food.

"You've got a burrito on the left, salad on the right." Eric explained. His voice was controlled, quiet. He was scared to say anything more.

Auggie nodded and found the burrito. He started to pick it up, and hesitated.

"I never thanked you." Auggie said. "I know that a lot of effort went into finding Belenko, and I've heard that you were a big part of that effort. Thank you."

"Of course," Eric replied. "You're, like, one of my closest friends, man. I'm glad you're back."

The waitress stopped by their table, interrupting the moment. Auggie ordered a glass of tequila. Meanwhile, Eric watched his friend across the table and wondered if he was really back.

After eating, Barber took Auggie home. He watched from the car as Auggie made his way to the door, taking a little more effort to get inside than the times he had dropped him off, before.

As Auggie pushed open the door to his apartment, the burrito churned in his stomach. He locked the door and stood, listening for anything out of the ordinary. His heart raced, betraying his normal confidence. Standing by the door, he heard footsteps approaching in the hallway. He pulled off his jacket and braced for a fight.

The steps went on by, going to another unit. Auggie collapsed against the wall taking deep breaths. Even when he first lost his sight, he hadn't been this paranoid. He got himself together and walked to the safe.


	4. Chapter 4

Auggie knew that if he didn't answer Annie's calls, she would eventually end up at his apartment. So on her eighth try, he picked up.

"Yeah?" He answered.

"Hi," Annie responded. "I didn't think you'd answer."

"I haven't felt sociable."

"I get that." Annie responded. "I thought we could get dinner and catch up. I could bring something to your place, if you don't feel like going out."

"Actually, I need to get out of here. Pick me up, let's go to your place."

"Everything okay?"

"Yep."

"I'll be there in a half-hour."

Auggie was waiting in front of his building when Annie arrived with Thai takeout. As they drove, Auggie rolled down his window and held out his hand, feeling the wind.

"Would you prefer to go somewhere like Allen's?" Annie asked.

Auggie looked toward her, as if snapped out of a trance. "No," he answered, unnaturally calm.

They rode in comfortable silence the rest of the way.

Annie led Auggie into her apartment and he dropped her arm to explore on his own. She raced back to his side as he quickly made his way around the perimeter.

"One booby trap." She explained, reaching for his hand. He quietly let her lead him a step to the right, and place his hand on the heavy bag.

Annie smiled while Auggie figured out what it was. He nodded with a look of serious concentration. "That would have been surprising."

"The kitchen is just ahead. Not many doors in here."

"Great."

Annie watched him explore. His movements were slower than normal, less thorough than when he had previously introduced himself to a new place. "Table is over here. I'll get us drinks."

Auggie heard Annie walk back and forth, gathering glasses and plates. "Anything I can do to help?"

"Wine?" She pushed a bottle into his hand. He held his other out for the corkscrew.

Auggie walked to the table and uncorked the wine. He sniffed the open bottle. "Glasses?" He asked.

"At your two."

Auggie filled the glasses and took a sip. It was a bold, flavorful wine that warmed his insides as it went down. "Nice choice," he commented.

"Thanks," She replied as she sat next to him and took the glass from his hand. In return, she pushed a bowl of food in his direction.

They ate in silence for a moment. Annie watched her former lover, cataloging the changes.

"Arthur said you quit your day job." She said, breaking the silence.

"Yeah," he responded.

"But he never told me why you changed your mind about working at McQuaid."

"Working for my ex's current lover didn't sit well for either of us."

"He's not my current lover." Annie corrected.

Auggie paused a moment and shrugged. "There were other reasons."

"Word on the street is you are starting your own company."

"Hope you guys aren't paying your researchers too much for that sort of intel. Incorporation documents are hardly confidential."

"Who's in on the deal?"

"One man shop. Why, are you looking to jump ship?"

"Mmmm, I don't know. Depends on your health insurance policy."

"I haven't thought that far ahead."

"How far have you thought?"

"I hacked into Bank of America's Board of Director accounts, moved money between them, and sent a full report to the CEO. The next day I got a sole-source contract to fix the problem at a value that would pay my bills for a year. I'll have it done in two weeks."

"Sounds like a good business model."

Auggie shrugged. "I'll get by."

"What do you have in mind for the other 50 weeks of the year?"

"Take things as they come."

"I don't believe it. You have to have some sort of plan."

"With our lives, it's best not to make plans."

Annie took a bit, thinking about all of the things that had taken a priority over plans in her life.

"So, you and McQuaid..."

"I decided that I couldn't do this job and have emotional attachments."

"Well at least you are consistent."

Annie put her hand on his. "I miss you." Her thumb rubbed on his skin.

Auggie looked toward their hands. "It's best not to have emotional attachments."

"You've never believed that."

"My perspective has changed a bit, recently."

"I understand." Annie said, pulling her hand back.

"I doubt that."

Auggie was staring right at her. His look was cold. All of the humor gone from the expression that had once charmed her.

A moment passed, then Auggie started to fidget. "Bathroom?"

She gave him directions and watched as he closed the door behind him before she got up to put away the dishes. Auggie had hardly eaten, but they had gone through most of a bottle of wine.

He emerged looking slightly more relaxed.

"Feel better?" Annie asked.

Auggie used the sound of her voice to find her in the kitchen, facing the sink. He leaned close to her ear. "Yeah."

The word was almost a growl, causing Annie to catch her breath as she turned back toward him. Before she could respond, he met her lips with a kiss.

It was a violent, rough kiss, and her reaction was to fight. It was possession, anger, frustration. Her only involvement was to try to push him away.

But it was Auggie. She pulled away and saw his eyes, the loose curls framing his face. She suddenly remembered all the comfort she had in his arms.

She met him for another kiss, letting him know that whatever they were doing, they were doing as equals.

He met her with enthusiasm, pushing her onto the counter. She yelped in pain, but he didn't back up. So she pushed him back, into a wall. She saw him wince from the impact, but immediately straighten. He caught his breath.

"You okay?" Annie asked.

Auggie laughed a breath. "Yeah."

He felt her come close and reached out. He caught her arm and pulled her toward him, forcefully. She took deep breaths in his arms, neither moving toward him or fighting.

Then something within both of them snapped, and they met in another kiss.

He pulled up her shirt while she unbuttoned his pants. They left a trail of clothes on the way to her bed. It was frantic and violent, with unspoken frustration being released by both.

When it was over, Annie was fighting to catch her breath. Auggie didn't seem to notice as she leaned over him to get her medication from the night stand. She took a deep breath as the nitrates worked into her system.

"You made my heart stop, Auggie."

His eyes widened. "That was an attack?"

"Yeah."

"Are you okay?"

She took one more deep breath. "Yeah."

He closed his eyes and leaned back. "Good."

They both recovered for a moment, then Auggie sat up and ran his hand over the comforter.

"What do you need?"

He hand landed on his shirt. "I'm going to go on home."

Annie started to object, but she couldn't. She knew that what they had just done was wrong. It wasn't the passionate love-making they had, before. It was sex. They had filled each other's need. Pillow talk would only make it more complicated.

"Hold on, I'll grab your pants."

She padded across the room and got to the pile of denim. When she picked up his pants, something fell to the floor. She stared for a moment at the small plastic bag.

"Here you go." She said, handing him his pants, socks, and shoes.

She watched as he pulled the clothes over his long, lean frame. She watched as he stuck his hands in his pockets to find his phone and wallet. He did well to hide his expression when he realized what was missing.

She stepped close and pulled on his hand. "This fell out."

He closed his fingers over the baggie and braced for the lecture while walking to get his cane.

"Thanks for dinner." He said, then raced toward the door.

"Auggie, wait."

He stopped, jaw clenched.

"I don't know what's going on, but I know that you have always been there for me, even when I didn't deserve it. Let me help you."

"I'm fine." He said, then opened the door and walked out.


End file.
